Excuses, Excuses

There are 24 hours in a day and 7 days a week. Recently though, time has not seemed to be ticking away accurately. Some days I feel like the hours are going by unusually slow, I feel like the week will never end. Other times the hours fly by with uncharacteristic speed, I never have time for the things I need to do and zero time especially for the things that I want to do. My life, as of late, has been filled with excitement and planning and running and trying to keep my head on straight despite all the directions I am being pulled. I know that this is no excuse for me to spend less time in the word of God or to pray but I sure have been using it as one. I cannot seem to get up early enough to do my devotions in the morning and I am so tired at night I will just fall asleep and until last week that was an okay excuse to justify my actions.

Last week I went with my church on a mission trip to New York. We worked at a camp that brings in kids from the city and gives them a safe place to run and jump and play and simply act like kids. The 19 of us that went on the trip busted our tails to get all the work done that they had for us on the list. We worked in the rain, in the hot sun, in the morning, and into the evening if we had to. After all that work we had the opportunity just to sit and rest. We got to disconnect from everything that distracts us and just be in the presence of the LORD and fellowship with each other. So many times that fellowship came in the form of laughter and jokes. Other times it came in the form of a serious talk with Andy about our future. And yet other times that came by just time alone. During the trip I realized something very important about myself. I am constantly making excuses for why I do or do not do things. I make excuses for why I can’t cook, for why I do not get new contacts when I should, I make excuses for why I do not call my friends when I should. I come up with excuses for just about everything even why I do not spend time with my LORD. I pray apologetically as if he really buys into my excuses. I will say things like, “Jesus forgive me, I have just been so busy with school projects” or I might blame by busy schedule. The thing is that Jesus knows what is really going on in my heart. And maybe not for the first time but for the first time in a while I realized that my excuses are just not cutting it. I finally recognized that if I desire to be a spiritual leader in my community, in my school and church, or in my relationships I need to spend time with the one who is my leader, my guide, Jesus Christ.

The mission trip to New York showed me that whether I make an excuse or not the reality is still there staring me in the face. The reality of the situation is that I believe that what I have to do during the day is more important or more fun than spending time with the one that gave everything to provide salvation for me. I do not want that though. I want to be someone who is so consumed by the word of God that the truths contained therein emanate through me. I know that this is a process. I know that this is something that I have to work towards. So I started with the most obvious question, how much time does it take to get enough for the day?

Now I will not pretend to have all the answers but something that I heard a long while ago has really stuck with me and I think that it is so appropriate for this very question as well are getting on the road to spiritual recovery. John Mott once said in reference to studying the Bible,

It takes time for the fires to burn. It takes time for God to draw near and for us to know that He is there. It takes time to assimilate His truth. You ask me, How much time? I do not know. I know it means time enough to forget time.

I believe that this quote is spot on when it comes to understanding and being on fire for the truth of Scripture. Life with Christ and love for his word is a long-term relationship. It requires commitment, and trust, and time. So, here I go on a mission to forget time, to forfeit my earthly desires, and fleshly commitments. I am working to burn with passion instead of wallow in excuses; I am ready to shine forth with what is in the Word of God and to remember the commitment that I made to Christ so many years ago when I accepted his free gift of salvation. NO MORE EXCUSES, not for this girl!

Growing Up

     It is hard to believe that in a few short weeks I will be finishing up my first year of teaching. The best part about finishing is that we get a chance to look back on the previous year and contemplate all the wonderful things that have happened. I have tried to summarize the most important things that I have learned this year into a single post. You would be reading forever if I tried to describe all the wonderful and life changing events that have occurred so I will just stick to the basics.

     This year I have learned to move forward. I have learned that by stepping out in faith we are made more complete. God keeps his promises, when he says “since I have begun a good work in you I will see it through to completion,” he means it. He asks us to move forward in faith. I have also learned that no matter how good we believe that past has been we have no idea how great the future will be until we move. There is a reason why we are stuck inside the confines of time and space. I am coming to believe that the reason for this restriction is so we learn to take every moment as a precious gift and make the most of it. I have learned that moving forward requires courage. It demands full reliance on Jesus and in the process we lose our own selfish desires. It was difficult to leave the comforts of my parents’ house, and move far from my family. It was equally difficult to give up on my dreams of living close to some of my best friends. However, when I moved forward into what God had for me here in Kentucky, I cannot explain the joy and confidence I received. When we move forward we also gain what God has for us which could be totally different than what we could plan for ourselves. My life is going in a totally new direction just because I was able to step out in faith to where God was calling me. The moving has not ended though. God continues to push me forward and along the way there have been some very delightful surprises!

     I have learned that we never know of what we are capable. I could not have imagined myself as a teacher. I never saw myself as the kind of person who would have the patience or the creativity to stand in front of a bunch of high school students and bestow upon them the knowledge that they need to graduate and succeed in the world. I always saw my teachers as the smartest people I knew (if you are reading this and you ever taught me at Kokomo Christian or Ashland University I am talking about you!) and so many of the lessons and activities that those teachers came up with are still engrained in my brain. When I thought about being a teacher all I could think about was the impact that my high school and college teachers had on me and how I would measure up to them. I just did not think I would be able to succeed in the world of education. Teaching was not part of my formal training; the lesson plans, and grading papers, making student assessments, and dealing with parents just was not in my repertoire. I simply did not think that I had the stuff that it requires to be a teacher. Therefore, when I came down and was told by the principle that we never know what we are capable of I was humbled. I had to rethink my whole life. I had to see that God had been training me for this job ever since I was a child. He had not necessarily been preparing me to be a teacher at Riverside Christian School, but he had been preparing me for a career dedicated to his service. We never know what we can do until we try to do it with the LORD on our side. At times I still doubt that I am doing a good job teaching but I have to remember that I am only the vessel for God’s work that is being done.

     I have learned what love really means. With so much change going on at one time it has been very important that I am surrounded by people who love me. I have always been a social butterfly. I have always longed to be around people but I never fully realized the incredible importance of the love and support of good friends and priceless family member. When I moved I did not know a soul in Eastern Kentucky. I was hundreds of miles away from everyone that loved me and my life as I knew it had completely changed. I would be lying if I did not tell you that I was terrified and excited all at the same time. My greatest fear was that I would not fit in and that no one would accept this “foreigner”. I feared that I would make myself vulnerable and would be rejected by those around. I imagined that my friends from college would forget about me and go on with their lives with Cassie Carter as a distant memory. Now I know that these fears are totally irrational, but when we are afraid that is what happens. I found out quickly that God knows us better than we know ourselves. He knew exactly what I needed and when. He brought some amazing people into my life that have been such an incredible blessing. I am involved in a fantastic church and small group Bible study. There are people in that group that are not only committed to the Lord but are amazing encouragers and great friends. I have been especially blessed by their hospitality and making this Indiana girl feel like a Kentucky native! They have been teaching me what Love looks like when Christ is at the center of every relationship. I have also been loved on by the staff at Riverside, what a special place. Each staff member has gone out of their way to make me feel like this is my home. I have been blessed an incredible amount by their patience and aid as I stumbled through this school year. They continue to teach me that Love comes through service. When we serve God we love others. I cannot forget my wonderful friends from Ashland. There are some incredible people who have stood by me through thick and thin. They have been a shoulder to lean on even if they could not be right next to me. I have learned so much from these steady friends about what love means. I have learned that no matter what the circumstance no matter what the cost, love always wins. “The Big Three”, you gals taught me that! I wish I could name drop on everyone who has loved on me this past year. Finally, to my family, you guys have been teaching me so much from so far away. I do not think there is a better group of people than the Carter/ Stout family. My parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, sister, and brother have been so wonderful. When I do things that sound crazy they are right there supporting me. My family has taught me that loving someone means that you have to let them be who God created them to be, even if that does not make sense to our human minds.

     Each and every ounce of support from people I have known my whole life and from complete strangers that God has brought my way has been what keeps me going in this crazy journey. God knows that I need people, so what did he provide…the best friends a girl could as for! I have learned what love really means because I can see Jesus in the actions of my friends and family members. I have learned that love means so many different things; Love is a Lifestyle (you can quote me on that)!

     This post does not even scratch the surface of what I have learned this year. But I think I covered the most important things. I would like to say as a final note. I have grown up a lot this year. I have changed from a girl who just wanted to do something good in the world, to a woman who is working to do God’s will in every action of my life. That is what has made the real difference in me and trust me there is still a lot of learning to be done!

Lessons from Jackson

As some of you may know I have a five month old, furry companion named Jackson. When he was born in November I simply could not resist him. With his tiny body and adorable little face I was completely in love from the start. As he grew, I was like a proud mama wanting to take him everywhere and show him to everyone. I took countless pictures of him and bragged on the adorable things that he did. In my opinion Jackson is one of the cutest dogs in the world and his personality matches his looks to a T. As precious as he can be we often have some obedience issues. Since I live on the school’s campus I do not want him playing around the kids while they are at school so I have to leave him inside. This creates all kinds of problems such as potty training, chewing on things that are not chew toys, and general curiosity. Depending on the week Jackson will have serious lack of bladder control as well as a need to chew ever cord in sight. These are the weeks when I contemplate getting rid of him all together; I think about how great my life was when my apartment did not smell like a dirty little dog, or when I did not have to cover my furniture with sheets just to keep him from getting everything dirty. One morning I think that he had in his head that he was going to systematically destroy my apartment so he threw up on my rug, took CD’s off one of my shelves, chewed a lamp cord, ripped up a picture that was in a frame, and managed to do all of it while I was in the shower! Needless to say, that was not a good day in our relationship. Yet, there is something about that little fluff of terror that draws me back every time.

Now do not get me wrong, Jackson does have some great qualities that come out more and more as he gets older. He loves people. Whenever there are people around Jackson wants to be there. He is always ready to play with whomever or whatever will have him. He seems to sense when people want to play and he is ready for the challenge. Secondly, it seems like he is always smiling, I know that is weird but I am convinced that he can smile. I can see the pure joy on his little face especially when he is doing his favorite activity, running through puddles, and when he wakes up in the morning and sees me. He is the most precious thing when I get up in the morning to get ready for school. He wakes up and starts wagging his tail and smothers me in kisses. I have no other choice other than to sit there and love on him for a little bit. Thirdly, he loves me more than anything. When he was only a few weeks old he could not even sleep unless he could see me and now I have to leave my door open so he can make sure I am okay in the middle of the night. He is incredibly protective and dedicated to my safety.

There is nothing that Jackson can offer me. He never offers to buy his own food. He does not clean up after himself. He cannot seem to wipe his paws before he comes in the house. He never helps me clean. And he definitely does not bathe himself. Jackson has nothing to give yet I still love him and take time to care for his every need. So you might think that this post has something to do with how God does that for us. How we have nothing to give him yet he takes care of our every need. Although I have been learning that lesson as well that is not the stunning thing that I have learned from my furry friend. I have learned something about faith and listening.  

Jackson likes to wander off. He loves to find adventure such as running through the ditch or barking at the horse or visiting the school. When his is in the middle of some such adventure with his partner in crime Andy’s dog XC, he completely shuts his ear off. He either does not hear or does not pay attention to me when I call him to come inside. Most of the time when this happens I get frustrated and try to find him and when I do he knows he is in trouble. The little thing has an insatiable desire to do things his own way and if he does not want to come to me he won’t. I absolutely hate it when I call his name and he comes close enough for me to see him only for him to turn and run the opposite way. One day last week we were on a walk on campus and he had wandered up the hill to find some critter in the woods when I began to call his name to go back home. When he did not come for a while I just began to walk back. Every once and a while I would turn around and call him but he was nowhere in sight. As I walked back God began to reveal to me that I was so much like Jackson. I have a tendency to do things my own way. I always want to do what I have in mind before I do what God desires for me. So often I see what God wants and I hear his voice and simply turn and run the other way because it is not what I would choose to do. Even though God has something absolutely incredible for me I continue to want things done my way and in my time. I fail to listen to my master’s call because I am so distracted by what is right in front of me.

Jackson from a few months ago

   As I continue to grow up in my spiritual life I am finding more and more that maturity does not come from some kind of hidden knowledge, it comes from humbling ourselves enough to learn from the simplest things in creation. God has great things for each of us if we listen when he calls and come when he asks.

 

Longing to Thrive

“For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, ¹⁰ so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, ¹¹ being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience,”

                                    -Colossians 1:9-11

I have been noticing lately that there is a staunch difference between living and thriving; and it was none other than my U.S. History class that has been showing me the difference. In order to understand what I mean you have to know a little bit of background on this particular class of students. They are a rowdy bunch that can talk a mile a minute until it comes to talking about class material. To them, everything else in this universe is more exciting than learning about Andrew Jackson’s Presidency or how a bill becomes a law. I do my very best to make lessons fun and exciting for them but for the most part it is to no avail. This particular class does everything they can to get me off track, to get out of homework, and to get under my skin. Sometimes their sinister plans work.  I have tried everything short of putting on a wig and bringing in a circus act to teach these kids the ins and outs of American History. The difficult thing about this whole situation has been that U.S. History is my favorite thing to teach and yet I cannot engage this group of students. There are times when I get discouraged and want to just give up on them. On bad days I think simply assigning them pages at the beginning of class and having them read the whole period only to give them review questions to do for homework just so I do not have to deal with their shenanigans. I have never actually done that but there have been many times when I have thought very seriously about it.

            This whole year I have been trying to assess the problem with this class and I have come to very few conclusions. I have tried everything I know how to do and nothing has seemed to work. I have tried to scare them into learning, I have tried to allow them to learn at their own pace, I have tried to make everyday  more fun than the last and each time I try something new I come up empty handed and more defeated. Now before you start calling me thinking that I have fallen into a state of depression because of this class just wait for the good part. Last Friday I realized something, I began to see that their lack of interest in,not only my subject but in school as a whole is not my fault. I discovered that the age old teachers’ question, “How do I motivate my students?” is simply not the question to ask. I had been looking for answers to this question and as a result I was killing myself trying to motivate these kids. I realized that I cannot motivate my students, I cannot force feed them learning, I just cannot. What I can do is help them motivate themselves. Each student is responsible for his or her actions, and when they realize that they have to account for the actions of their lives they begin to work, they begin to take interest, they begin to long for something better than just living-they long to thrive.

            Although my 16 year olds have not been able to grasp this concept of thriving quite yet and I have very little hope that they will in the near future, I can say that this idea has changed the way that I teach and the way I live. Sometimes it seems like I just roll through my day without even thinking. I act like my students. I forget that every breath I take and every word I say reverberates in heaven.  Therefore, my challenge has been to “live a life worthy of the LORD”. I have been challenged to stop living and start thriving! In my classroom I have begun to do this by putting my whole self into teaching, I am putting more time and effort into the personal relationships I have developed with my students. I have started praying for them by name. In my personal life, I have been taking every opportunity to invest in people rather than things. Thriving has taken on a new meaning to me, it has come to mean that my life is not mundane or ordinary, it is quite extraordinary and thus I should be living as the main character in story of my life instead of the supporting actress. This concept is true for all of us. We are created in the image of God so by definition we are extraordinary so let us all start living a life worthy of the LORD.