The Heart of Worship

As my summer comes to a close I can only look back in amazement. Not only have I been insanely busy but God has done so many unexpected and refreshing things. The one thing that really sticks out to me is what he did in my heart at Bethel Camp a few weeks ago. To be real honest, I was not very excited about being a camp counselor this summer. After my first year of teaching I thought needed a break from kids and from teaching even. So the summer was a welcome visitor. It came time to go and I was trying my best to psych myself up for the week.  I was counseling at the first week of high school camp. It did not take long for my attitude towards the week to change. We had an amazing group of kids and my cabin of girls could not have been more incredible. I felt like I was making connections with students from the minute they arrived. We also had a rockstar staff that bonded spiritually came together as a unit really well. If you have ever been a counselor you know that a good group of kids and an incredible staff equals a seriously astounding week of camp, and I feel that is what we had.

Each day the worship was genuine and the messages were concise and spoken from the heart of God. It just seemed like things were going so well, really they were going just as God had planned them. I felt like my cabin was bonded and that we were having some great discussions about what Jesus was really doing in the lives of my girls. They were open and honest and God really opened the doors for us to have meaningful conversations.

About midweek, we were singing the song “Heart of Worship” and God opened my eyes to what he had been trying to teach me all summer. One line in the song, “longing just to bring something that’s of worth that will bless your heart” spoke to me in a new way. As I was singing, I looked around and I saw all these high school students who were longing to hear from God. I realized that this is where God had called me. This place, these people, this ministry, God had called me to high school students. God had called me to Riverside and to this community, and although I had gotten bogged down in the politics and formality of being a part of a school, he was calling me to get back to the heart of his plan for me. God was calling me to bring something of worth, he was calling me to bring my best to him. I had forgotten why I love doing what I do. I had forgotten that God never called me to do a job, he never called me to work at a school, he called me “bless his heart”. The heart of my ministry is not the subject I teach, or the fact that I am even a part of this school but the heart of my ministry is that I am trying to live a life worthy of the calling I have received. The heart of my ministry is to help bring change through the lives of the students with whom I come in contact. When I looked back across the crowd of students I was refreshed, I was ready to take on the challenges of a new year. I was and I am ready to see what God has in store for Riverside this year. I am confident that he has great things for my students and for me. 

It is so easy to forget that what God starts he will finish. I seem to get discouraged or even doubt my purpose but he always seems to bring me back to his heart. He picks me up and starts me from square one, he says “Cassie, I love you and I have chosen you for such a time as this. Now go!” Needless to say, the week was great. I was physically exhausted but I was spiritually uplifted and refocused. I praise God for all he is doing in my life and just for the way that he continues to draw me to himself daily.

Excuses, Excuses

There are 24 hours in a day and 7 days a week. Recently though, time has not seemed to be ticking away accurately. Some days I feel like the hours are going by unusually slow, I feel like the week will never end. Other times the hours fly by with uncharacteristic speed, I never have time for the things I need to do and zero time especially for the things that I want to do. My life, as of late, has been filled with excitement and planning and running and trying to keep my head on straight despite all the directions I am being pulled. I know that this is no excuse for me to spend less time in the word of God or to pray but I sure have been using it as one. I cannot seem to get up early enough to do my devotions in the morning and I am so tired at night I will just fall asleep and until last week that was an okay excuse to justify my actions.

Last week I went with my church on a mission trip to New York. We worked at a camp that brings in kids from the city and gives them a safe place to run and jump and play and simply act like kids. The 19 of us that went on the trip busted our tails to get all the work done that they had for us on the list. We worked in the rain, in the hot sun, in the morning, and into the evening if we had to. After all that work we had the opportunity just to sit and rest. We got to disconnect from everything that distracts us and just be in the presence of the LORD and fellowship with each other. So many times that fellowship came in the form of laughter and jokes. Other times it came in the form of a serious talk with Andy about our future. And yet other times that came by just time alone. During the trip I realized something very important about myself. I am constantly making excuses for why I do or do not do things. I make excuses for why I can’t cook, for why I do not get new contacts when I should, I make excuses for why I do not call my friends when I should. I come up with excuses for just about everything even why I do not spend time with my LORD. I pray apologetically as if he really buys into my excuses. I will say things like, “Jesus forgive me, I have just been so busy with school projects” or I might blame by busy schedule. The thing is that Jesus knows what is really going on in my heart. And maybe not for the first time but for the first time in a while I realized that my excuses are just not cutting it. I finally recognized that if I desire to be a spiritual leader in my community, in my school and church, or in my relationships I need to spend time with the one who is my leader, my guide, Jesus Christ.

The mission trip to New York showed me that whether I make an excuse or not the reality is still there staring me in the face. The reality of the situation is that I believe that what I have to do during the day is more important or more fun than spending time with the one that gave everything to provide salvation for me. I do not want that though. I want to be someone who is so consumed by the word of God that the truths contained therein emanate through me. I know that this is a process. I know that this is something that I have to work towards. So I started with the most obvious question, how much time does it take to get enough for the day?

Now I will not pretend to have all the answers but something that I heard a long while ago has really stuck with me and I think that it is so appropriate for this very question as well are getting on the road to spiritual recovery. John Mott once said in reference to studying the Bible,

It takes time for the fires to burn. It takes time for God to draw near and for us to know that He is there. It takes time to assimilate His truth. You ask me, How much time? I do not know. I know it means time enough to forget time.

I believe that this quote is spot on when it comes to understanding and being on fire for the truth of Scripture. Life with Christ and love for his word is a long-term relationship. It requires commitment, and trust, and time. So, here I go on a mission to forget time, to forfeit my earthly desires, and fleshly commitments. I am working to burn with passion instead of wallow in excuses; I am ready to shine forth with what is in the Word of God and to remember the commitment that I made to Christ so many years ago when I accepted his free gift of salvation. NO MORE EXCUSES, not for this girl!

Growing Up

     It is hard to believe that in a few short weeks I will be finishing up my first year of teaching. The best part about finishing is that we get a chance to look back on the previous year and contemplate all the wonderful things that have happened. I have tried to summarize the most important things that I have learned this year into a single post. You would be reading forever if I tried to describe all the wonderful and life changing events that have occurred so I will just stick to the basics.

     This year I have learned to move forward. I have learned that by stepping out in faith we are made more complete. God keeps his promises, when he says “since I have begun a good work in you I will see it through to completion,” he means it. He asks us to move forward in faith. I have also learned that no matter how good we believe that past has been we have no idea how great the future will be until we move. There is a reason why we are stuck inside the confines of time and space. I am coming to believe that the reason for this restriction is so we learn to take every moment as a precious gift and make the most of it. I have learned that moving forward requires courage. It demands full reliance on Jesus and in the process we lose our own selfish desires. It was difficult to leave the comforts of my parents’ house, and move far from my family. It was equally difficult to give up on my dreams of living close to some of my best friends. However, when I moved forward into what God had for me here in Kentucky, I cannot explain the joy and confidence I received. When we move forward we also gain what God has for us which could be totally different than what we could plan for ourselves. My life is going in a totally new direction just because I was able to step out in faith to where God was calling me. The moving has not ended though. God continues to push me forward and along the way there have been some very delightful surprises!

     I have learned that we never know of what we are capable. I could not have imagined myself as a teacher. I never saw myself as the kind of person who would have the patience or the creativity to stand in front of a bunch of high school students and bestow upon them the knowledge that they need to graduate and succeed in the world. I always saw my teachers as the smartest people I knew (if you are reading this and you ever taught me at Kokomo Christian or Ashland University I am talking about you!) and so many of the lessons and activities that those teachers came up with are still engrained in my brain. When I thought about being a teacher all I could think about was the impact that my high school and college teachers had on me and how I would measure up to them. I just did not think I would be able to succeed in the world of education. Teaching was not part of my formal training; the lesson plans, and grading papers, making student assessments, and dealing with parents just was not in my repertoire. I simply did not think that I had the stuff that it requires to be a teacher. Therefore, when I came down and was told by the principle that we never know what we are capable of I was humbled. I had to rethink my whole life. I had to see that God had been training me for this job ever since I was a child. He had not necessarily been preparing me to be a teacher at Riverside Christian School, but he had been preparing me for a career dedicated to his service. We never know what we can do until we try to do it with the LORD on our side. At times I still doubt that I am doing a good job teaching but I have to remember that I am only the vessel for God’s work that is being done.

     I have learned what love really means. With so much change going on at one time it has been very important that I am surrounded by people who love me. I have always been a social butterfly. I have always longed to be around people but I never fully realized the incredible importance of the love and support of good friends and priceless family member. When I moved I did not know a soul in Eastern Kentucky. I was hundreds of miles away from everyone that loved me and my life as I knew it had completely changed. I would be lying if I did not tell you that I was terrified and excited all at the same time. My greatest fear was that I would not fit in and that no one would accept this “foreigner”. I feared that I would make myself vulnerable and would be rejected by those around. I imagined that my friends from college would forget about me and go on with their lives with Cassie Carter as a distant memory. Now I know that these fears are totally irrational, but when we are afraid that is what happens. I found out quickly that God knows us better than we know ourselves. He knew exactly what I needed and when. He brought some amazing people into my life that have been such an incredible blessing. I am involved in a fantastic church and small group Bible study. There are people in that group that are not only committed to the Lord but are amazing encouragers and great friends. I have been especially blessed by their hospitality and making this Indiana girl feel like a Kentucky native! They have been teaching me what Love looks like when Christ is at the center of every relationship. I have also been loved on by the staff at Riverside, what a special place. Each staff member has gone out of their way to make me feel like this is my home. I have been blessed an incredible amount by their patience and aid as I stumbled through this school year. They continue to teach me that Love comes through service. When we serve God we love others. I cannot forget my wonderful friends from Ashland. There are some incredible people who have stood by me through thick and thin. They have been a shoulder to lean on even if they could not be right next to me. I have learned so much from these steady friends about what love means. I have learned that no matter what the circumstance no matter what the cost, love always wins. “The Big Three”, you gals taught me that! I wish I could name drop on everyone who has loved on me this past year. Finally, to my family, you guys have been teaching me so much from so far away. I do not think there is a better group of people than the Carter/ Stout family. My parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, sister, and brother have been so wonderful. When I do things that sound crazy they are right there supporting me. My family has taught me that loving someone means that you have to let them be who God created them to be, even if that does not make sense to our human minds.

     Each and every ounce of support from people I have known my whole life and from complete strangers that God has brought my way has been what keeps me going in this crazy journey. God knows that I need people, so what did he provide…the best friends a girl could as for! I have learned what love really means because I can see Jesus in the actions of my friends and family members. I have learned that love means so many different things; Love is a Lifestyle (you can quote me on that)!

     This post does not even scratch the surface of what I have learned this year. But I think I covered the most important things. I would like to say as a final note. I have grown up a lot this year. I have changed from a girl who just wanted to do something good in the world, to a woman who is working to do God’s will in every action of my life. That is what has made the real difference in me and trust me there is still a lot of learning to be done!

Lessons from Jackson

As some of you may know I have a five month old, furry companion named Jackson. When he was born in November I simply could not resist him. With his tiny body and adorable little face I was completely in love from the start. As he grew, I was like a proud mama wanting to take him everywhere and show him to everyone. I took countless pictures of him and bragged on the adorable things that he did. In my opinion Jackson is one of the cutest dogs in the world and his personality matches his looks to a T. As precious as he can be we often have some obedience issues. Since I live on the school’s campus I do not want him playing around the kids while they are at school so I have to leave him inside. This creates all kinds of problems such as potty training, chewing on things that are not chew toys, and general curiosity. Depending on the week Jackson will have serious lack of bladder control as well as a need to chew ever cord in sight. These are the weeks when I contemplate getting rid of him all together; I think about how great my life was when my apartment did not smell like a dirty little dog, or when I did not have to cover my furniture with sheets just to keep him from getting everything dirty. One morning I think that he had in his head that he was going to systematically destroy my apartment so he threw up on my rug, took CD’s off one of my shelves, chewed a lamp cord, ripped up a picture that was in a frame, and managed to do all of it while I was in the shower! Needless to say, that was not a good day in our relationship. Yet, there is something about that little fluff of terror that draws me back every time.

Now do not get me wrong, Jackson does have some great qualities that come out more and more as he gets older. He loves people. Whenever there are people around Jackson wants to be there. He is always ready to play with whomever or whatever will have him. He seems to sense when people want to play and he is ready for the challenge. Secondly, it seems like he is always smiling, I know that is weird but I am convinced that he can smile. I can see the pure joy on his little face especially when he is doing his favorite activity, running through puddles, and when he wakes up in the morning and sees me. He is the most precious thing when I get up in the morning to get ready for school. He wakes up and starts wagging his tail and smothers me in kisses. I have no other choice other than to sit there and love on him for a little bit. Thirdly, he loves me more than anything. When he was only a few weeks old he could not even sleep unless he could see me and now I have to leave my door open so he can make sure I am okay in the middle of the night. He is incredibly protective and dedicated to my safety.

There is nothing that Jackson can offer me. He never offers to buy his own food. He does not clean up after himself. He cannot seem to wipe his paws before he comes in the house. He never helps me clean. And he definitely does not bathe himself. Jackson has nothing to give yet I still love him and take time to care for his every need. So you might think that this post has something to do with how God does that for us. How we have nothing to give him yet he takes care of our every need. Although I have been learning that lesson as well that is not the stunning thing that I have learned from my furry friend. I have learned something about faith and listening.  

Jackson likes to wander off. He loves to find adventure such as running through the ditch or barking at the horse or visiting the school. When his is in the middle of some such adventure with his partner in crime Andy’s dog XC, he completely shuts his ear off. He either does not hear or does not pay attention to me when I call him to come inside. Most of the time when this happens I get frustrated and try to find him and when I do he knows he is in trouble. The little thing has an insatiable desire to do things his own way and if he does not want to come to me he won’t. I absolutely hate it when I call his name and he comes close enough for me to see him only for him to turn and run the opposite way. One day last week we were on a walk on campus and he had wandered up the hill to find some critter in the woods when I began to call his name to go back home. When he did not come for a while I just began to walk back. Every once and a while I would turn around and call him but he was nowhere in sight. As I walked back God began to reveal to me that I was so much like Jackson. I have a tendency to do things my own way. I always want to do what I have in mind before I do what God desires for me. So often I see what God wants and I hear his voice and simply turn and run the other way because it is not what I would choose to do. Even though God has something absolutely incredible for me I continue to want things done my way and in my time. I fail to listen to my master’s call because I am so distracted by what is right in front of me.

Jackson from a few months ago

   As I continue to grow up in my spiritual life I am finding more and more that maturity does not come from some kind of hidden knowledge, it comes from humbling ourselves enough to learn from the simplest things in creation. God has great things for each of us if we listen when he calls and come when he asks.